Yeah, you hear it right.
I'm fall in love in Tabanan the second I saw the statues and green little cliff at both sides of the road. The feeling grew stronger as I passed by the city. I even not start with Me Par's house, at BTN Jambe. The clean and green streets, the lovely weather, the fresh water, the perfect room at upstairs, and finally the host, Me Par and family.
I'm falling fast, and I can't help it. I just can't. Tabanan, especially BTN Jambe, reminded me with Narmada. A place that hold a big part of my heart. The one close to Tabanan is Bedugul, only it lack of family's love back there. What about Denpasar. Hmmm.. I think I'll write later about it.
Last night, I'm not sure with the time (but I think it was past midnight), I woke up. And instantly pull the curtain only to realize that I'm not in Tabanan anymore. Disappointed washed over me. Strange isn't? Two weeks can make a place really feel like home. And you adore it deeply.
That is heart for you. You can't point your finger and command your heart to fall for it. Because it just happens. Nothing you can do to stop it. So stop fear it and try to welcome the feeling. Because you don't know how many time left before the feeling is gone and your heart start to fall for other things. Heart, the flip flop one. It can blossom with love now, but it can twists into burning hatred in a matter of seconds. That's why you can't rely on it. Because it constantly change.
Whatever kind of feeling you feel today, it won't last forever. That's why The Prophet advised us to love and hate properly. Because it will change. So don't overdo everything. Neither do overthinking. Just let it flows. Just do one thing, make sure your feelings won't makes you go against Allah. For it will be your lost.
Have some feeling is natural, and it's not a sins. Some feelings actually build you, and makes you strong. So as I came with this conclusions, I'll stop fighting. For any feeling I have toward some people are just normal. I'm a human and human known as a creature that full of weaknesses and imperfections.
That weaknesses and imperfections made me shared something, a big part of my story, and not to mention that influenced my life significantly , that will always bring tears everytime I talk about it. I poured it without doubt, without holding on, without thinking to hide anything in front of Bunda Novi. As always she listen to me, gave me some advises, pray for me, and shared some hope about me. A very beautiful hope. Magically, it brought tears and hope at the same time. And made me realized, that sometimes we do need sharing. Because it's nice to see something from different side. We don't need to be a prisoner in a jail that we build unconsciously. A jail that called mind.
So what thing to hold to? And to believe to? There's No One except Allah, The One Who Never Change. And Only Him who could change our heart. May Allah always guide us to jannah.
Yaa Muqollibulquluub, tsabbit qolbi 'alaa diinik. Aamiin.
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