Pengagum Langit

Marry Your Daughter By: Brian McKnight Sir, I'm a bit nervous 'Bout being here today Still not real sure what I'm going to say So bare with me please If I take up too much of your time, See in this box is a ring for your oldest She's my everything and all that I know is It would be such a relief if I knew that we were on the same side Very soon I'm hoping that I... Can marry your daughter And make her my wife I want her to be the only girl that I love for the rest of my life And give her the best of me 'till the day that I die, yeah I'm gonna marry your princess And make her my queen She'll be the most beautiful bride that I've ever seen Can't wait to smile When she walks down the aisle On the arm of her father On the day that I marry your daughter She's been hear every step Since the day that we met (I'm scared to death to think of what would happen if she ever left) So don't you ever worry about me ever treat...

Out of time, I feel blue. Don't know but I have no spirit to crack a smile after night shift over this morning. There is a patient crying for help, instead of try to relieve her pain I just continue to fix her intravenous line.  What kind of nurse I am? But for Allah's sake it's a malignant tumor's pain. What can I do? When morfin only eased it a little. It tears me apart. The fact that this patient is a Sasaknese doesn't help either. How can I continue to be nurse without feeling resentful of can't help them every single time? Ah, this profession full of regretful. I never thought that being a nurse is very tough. They teach us in college to feel empathy toward patients instead of feel sympathy. For it will blurred our objection. But they didn't teach us how! How can I feel not sympathy? They're human just like me. I even didn't dare to look them in the eye if I did some mistakes, like didn't pull the blood specimen properly. How can I feel no...

Apathetic. That single word perfectly described my condition for this past weeks. I'm out of the world, especially in social media. Dunno but I had no interest to join in, unlike before. Yes I have these curiosity about what happens around the world but I barely can stand scrolling over Facebook for more than ten minutes. Twitter? No, not interest. Instagram? Bored. Hence with the other. I only read few articles on Pinterest and write notes here in Blogger, and its my only outlet to pouring anything, besides BBM. Rabb, I barely write something on BBM too. And there is Wattpad, my guilty pleasure. But I'm only a reader there. Lately I've been thinking. Some of my post is purely want to share, science, good words, motivation. But most of them mean to gain someone or more, attentions. Astagfirullah, shame on me. Yeah, I realized that yesterday. When I want to post something like 'It's the tenth times people mistook me as a nutritionist. And just because I'm thin....

Lately, I've been drowning myself in books. Or novels, exactly. Most of them are romances, but they were discarded once I finished it. I only keep few of them, I usually reread them if the hopeless romantic soul of me is taking control. Which is uncounted times, sadly. But the truth is the most precious of my collection is called 5:48 and Falling Colors. I hold them deep in my heart. I adore the authors, more than JK. Rowling. Hoho.. not that I love her that much. Almost all of them is about depression, or deep emotions. Not that easy going type. Because there always a reason behind every single action. Even the unimportant one. Which I believe, for every person is different and according to them, it's the right thing to do. Or ironically, the best thing they can do, even it's far from right. I don't know but I always want to know what others people think, especially the hurt one. I simply think that they're different, and somehow beautiful. Their way of mind, oft...

Menyusuri jalanan di Pulau Bali, mau tak mau membawaku pada memori masa kecil. Saat yang berada di belakang stang motor adalah Mamiq, dan aku akan memeluknya erat-erat dari belakang. Sesekali beliau akan bertanya, "Ngantuk anak?" Dan jawabanku selalu tidak. Even when I'm child, I was the stubborn one. Kini, aku kembali menyusurinya, bedanya tak ada lagi punggung yang dipeluk, atau yang menanyakan aku mengantuk atau tidak, dan stang motor berada di bawah kendaliku. Aku benci mengakuinya, tapi aku merasa kesepian. Aku telah dewasa, yang berarti Mamiq telah bertambah tua. Aku sadar sekarang mungkin itu juga dulu alasanku tak mau segera belajar naik motor sendiri. Agar kemana-mana masih diantar Mamiq. Masih bisa memeluk punggung itu, dan mendengar pertanyaan itu. Kini aku harus menyusuri jalanku sendiri, menemukan tempat di dunia. Sepertinya baru kemarin Mamiq menggendongku yang pura-pura tertidur di kursi, dan membaringkanku di tempat tidur. Kemudian gantian beliau yang t...

Finally, I gathered courage to tell Mamiq about my problem. Actually the last straw I need was some statements from RSM's crew. Clearly I've been delusional all the time. But rather than blaming myself to hell I accepted the fact calmly. That I am just a human, and human made mistakes. Even they've tried their best to avoid it. Today I feel relief. Like a huge burden was lifted from my shoulders. A big rock no longer press my heart. My breathe become easier, and I can see everything with positive vibe. That's something like sobbing myself till my nose clogged, my breath hollow, and my voice hoarse did to you. I was called Janah that noon, but she didn't pick up. And I'm grateful she didn't. I thought to call Mbak Vie too. But with my conditions last night, I'll only leave them a bunch of worries. And I thought words would failed me either. Like I was said, crying sometimes made me saw a tiny pieces that can made up my mind. So did last night. While I...

Magrib ini ketika berjalan ke kosan Bu Annisa, aku mendongak ke langit. Purnama, selalu bisa membuat napas terhela. Kali ini tak hanya penuhnya purnama di  langit kananku, tapi juga ditambah pijaran sebuah bintang di langit sebelah kiriku. Di mataku, mereka hanya terpaut tak lebih dari 50 meter. Tapi sebenarnya, mungkin berpuluh-puluh ribu cahaya. Mungkin mereka tak saling kenal, tak pernah saling menatap seutuhnya. Namun Allah menjadikan mataku dapat melihat mereka berdekatan. "Lihatlah berulang-ulang, apakah ada yang tak seimbang? Dan penglihatanmu pun dalam keadaan yang payah." Dengan penglihatan yang payahpun, Allah membuatku melihatnya dengan indah. Apalagi jika penglihatanku tak payah. Tapi siapa yang hendak ku tipu? Penglihatan yang payah itu entah mengapa malam ini menyeret pemikiran yang payah pula. Bahwa di suatu tempat antah barantah di bumi, ada seseorang atau lebih, yang menatap langit yang sama, dan memiliki pikiran yang sama denganku. Jauh sejauh-jauhnya, na...