Pengagum Langit

Alhamdulillah, so far only one who remember and one person was indicated too. But I'm beyond happy. This is one of the nest birthday ever. I spent it half day in hospital and a half day with BSMI Bali's big family. Without realize it, I got my price. Three jilbab and one wonderful ukhuwah. And yes, Rudje's son/brother also born this day. Terimakasih, alhamdulillah for everything.

When was the last time I hug someone? I mean, not a farewell or chitchat hug. But a comforting hug. When I can let go all of desperate feeling inside my heart, when I cling to them like my life depend on it. I just think that I need one now. There's was a time when I hugged Kartika, when she told me about his sister. And in the beach when I hugged Puji, when she breakdown because of her death fiancee. The last time when I hugged Anwaf's mother, the day he passed away. When was the last time people hugged me? There's many times when I caught at emotional chat over bbm with Janah , Mbak Vie, or Mak Tiri. And I wish they will appear before me, so I can lean to their shoulder. Wait, what kind of reason that triggered this? The truth is, I re-watch Natsume again. And I'm very jealous with the little fox that hugged Natsume freely. With tears too. Childish right? I know. That's why I'm write this down. To let the feeling leave my system and let it alive on my wa...

That's exactly her words, not me. And she said it with a bright smile and sparkling eyes. Like if I know it everything will be alright.  How can I deny it? Maybe I have a bad side but I'm not that cruel. After all, almost all romance novels and dramas make up their conflicts because of uncertainty of 'I like you' confession. I don't know, but I want to laugh out loud that time. But I still had my manners. So I stifled my laugh and smiled instead. Funny thing about feeling, it can change as soon as you change your clothes. And it's not something I can holding on to. Promise are made to be broken, they said. And there's even no promise. So, what to mourn? If I think feeling stuff are funny, we human are more funnier. We holding on it and let it affects our life constantly. Like last night, I don't know but when I read 'Wait me to come home' phrase, I feel an urgency to cry. For a moment, loneliness hit me abruptly. Like I have no one. Even I was ...

Letting go. I think I've mastered this skill long ago. But who I am kidding? I just deluded myself. I'm far away from it. Instead I'm holding grudges for a long time, for myself and some people. It's weird because sometimes I knew something off in my life when I'm reflecting it in some romance story or some people's life. Believe it or not. But I'm really eating words. Like the others bookworm. Lately, everything I read become like serendipity. And it's too beautiful to be coincidence. After all, there's nothing like coincidental in Islam. Everything has it own time. I prefer to believe that's a way Allah want to communicate with me. By words. Because He know very well how words can affect me. They're very powerful till the point that I can starting over everything. My rule, my emotions, my minds. Like yesterday, when a chapter in 'Bleak' was updated. It's about grudges. And I realized that I've been holding grudges too. At...