Pengagum Langit

"Menurutku, orang-orang yang jadi TKI ini cuman orang yang nggak mau berjuang. Pasti ada pekerjaan di negeri sendiri ngapain susah-susah ke negeri orang? Udh sampe sana disiksa, belum lagi kalo mereka kena kasus. Jadi nambah-nambah urusan pemerintah." Komentar yang pedas, namun tak urung memiliki sejumlah kebenaran di dalamnya. Jika kita melihat dari satu sisi. Well, selalu ada dua sisi mata uang bukan? Sewaktu mendengar komentar ini, reaksi saya hanya tersenyum dan menjawab satu dua yang tak membenarkan atau membantah. Tak punya cukup ilmu tentangnya pun tak memiliki pengalaman menjalaninya. Bagaimanapun, memiliki keduanya berpengaruh besar pada keyakinan akan benarnya pendapat. Dan pagi ini, saya berkesempatan mencicipi sedikit apa yang mungkin menjadi pemantik seorang memilih jalan hidup sebagai TKI. Pagi ini saya terbangun dengan kepala pusing, hidung tersumbat, dan tenggorokan terasa kering. Entah darimana datangnya yang jelas kondisi fisik saya menurun. Ditambah dat...

Last night, finally tasted how it to loved and be loved. And how wonderful it is. Even it wasn't in that fairy tale of Prince Charming. I was accepted a challenge from a friend a passed it to other people. People I chose carefully. Not every one of them accepted it the way I wish. But it's okay. Even I chose them among all my friends so they can pass it into their community. Not all of us can get what they want. Enough of that. For I got some people who did it beyond my expectations. Made me speechless, rendered, feel special, and finally shed some tears. The feeling was so intense. I feel my heart could be burst anytime. So overwhelmed. Someone I adore adored me back. And to know it, to read the words, Allahu Akbar! Thank you Allah to make me feel it. Maybe it's why most people marry for the sake of love. When the love blossom and the feeling still magical. And me? How about me? I never put myself in a position who could enjoy that kind of love. Either I broke my own ...

How I long but how I still wrong. There is always this thing in my heart every single time when I hear news about people who die on Friday. It's a most glorious day among other day and people who die on Friday will grant tremendously, with never had the punishment inside the grave. Who doesn't want it? Every believers I believe wish it. Die on Friday and in husnul khatimah. But little did made it. Or better I said, Allah grant it to the chosen people. And what have they do to get such a great reward? They must do something great to. Maybe by act, or by heart. Or both. One thing for sure, they didn't do it for granted. I wish it too. I really do. But the sad thing I still as bad as ever. At least I realized that today. It's must be counted yes? As long as Allah give me lives, it's mean He still give me chance to repent and strive to be a better moslem. To prove I'm deserved the chance, I must establish a good habit every Friday. After all, people die on t...

I was restless last night. Sleep came late. Maybe because I did again that disgusting thing and I feel fear and resent myself. Or maybe play smartphone all the day finally took it's tool. I know. Another unproductive day. I already believe I'm a fool. No need further proof. Even with Cempi's purr and playing murottal it was still hard. I just roll back, left then right. The sound of rusting blanket made Cempi restless too. He refused to left my arm. Put his head there. Higher and more. Till I felt my right arm numb. That's when I start to hear them. My parent. Seems like they can't sleep too. I can't saw them clearly thanks to the semi closed door. But I imagine they do it while lied on the floor. Head to head in one pillow. They talk about many things. As many as emotions that came into me. Of course it's mostly about me. Honestly, I feel like I'm intruded their privacy. It was not supposed to be hear right? Especially by me. Their hope, their wish,...

"Maaf Bu, kalo mau masukin lamaran kemana ya?" Tanyaku pada ibuq ibu yang berdiri di meja resepsionis. "Oh sama ibu ini bagian kepegawaian" Jawabnya sambil menunjuk dua orang ibu berseragam di depannya. Yang kemudian antara ku dengar atau tidak menghela napas. "Ikuti aja ibunya Dek" Katanya lagi. Akupun manut mengikuti dua orang ibu itu melangkah ke dalam. Aku tahu yang mereka pikirkan. Buat apa sih aku repot-repot. Toh surat lamaranku hanya akan menambah onggokan kertas di sudut kantor. Karena yang bisa masuk bekerja hanyalah mereka yang punya orang dalam. Tapi sekali lagi. Mungkin juga ini hanyalah rasa pesimis yang dipengaruhi buruk sangkaku. Aku tak tahu rencana Allah. Bagaimanapun manusia merencanakan Makar, bukankah Ia Pembuat Makar Yang Paling Baik? Jadi ku ringankan langkah kaki dan beban di dada. Niatku hanya untuk menuruti perintah orang tua yang baik. Tak kurang dan tak lebih. Mengenai rezeki, Allah telah mengatur ya dengan sebaik-baiknya....

If someone ask me "Why I don't like selfie?" The answer will be "Because sometimes, I do look too beautiful." There. I said it. With the help of smartphone, even without some cumbersome application we can look beautiful. Effortlessly. Just make sure you take the right angle. When we see the results, we became happy and like 'wow, the beauty of me.' Then syndrome queen bee begins. So we take more and more pictures. Even edit it. And unconsciously, some hours are wasted. But, when you put away your smartphone.  Get up from your bed, stretching, and see the mirror. Then boom! All your bubble in beautiful land pop up and make you landed in a real world. And then suddenly, you feel less beautiful and start to think why. And doubt yourself and critic your appearance. Why would some women do this length to subjects themselves to such a horrible and traumatic experience again and again is beyond my imagination. Okay, I've exaggerated of course. But a...

Ketika adik rohis puasa sunnah kamis dan aku nggak. Berhijab sederhana tapi aku masih sok bergaya. Berhijab lebih lebar sementara aku dari dulu gitu-gitu aja. Disitu kadang saya merasa tertampar. Yang mentor siapa yang binaan siapa. Tapi inilah sesungguhnya mentoring. Ketika mentor justru belajar ganda. Belajar dari materi dan binaan. Dan dengan itu ia memperbaiki diri hari ke hari. Namun dibalik rasa malu, ada lagi yang lebih besar. Yaitu bangga. Dan harapan. We'll shine and rise, insya Allah.

Here's the summary. I've been burned. And thanks to Allah I was healed. But I can't see myself walk down that path anymore.