That's exactly her words, not me. And she said it with a bright smile and sparkling eyes. Like if I know it everything will be alright. How can I deny it? Maybe I have a bad side but I'm not that cruel. After all, almost all romance novels and dramas make up their conflicts because of uncertainty of 'I like you' confession.
I don't know, but I want to laugh out loud that time. But I still had my manners. So I stifled my laugh and smiled instead. Funny thing about feeling, it can change as soon as you change your clothes. And it's not something I can holding on to. Promise are made to be broken, they said. And there's even no promise. So, what to mourn?
If I think feeling stuff are funny, we human are more funnier. We holding on it and let it affects our life constantly. Like last night, I don't know but when I read 'Wait me to come home' phrase, I feel an urgency to cry. For a moment, loneliness hit me abruptly. Like I have no one. Even I was surrounded by my colleagues. My parents and my family are far away, and when they talk about their love one, I feel my heart lurches. Maybe it was the night, or the music, or the tiredness inside me, but they successfully suck my happiness. So I went through the social media, every one of them. Buried myself in every story, every article. Somehow I can manage to participated in discussion. And when I can't take more of it, I went home. Leaving unfinished task.
I was hope sleep will hug me tight once I arrive at kost. But no, even sleep come hard. My mind wandering. Why? Why? Why? I'm tired. And I tried something else. Well, that night was a first time for Ramadhan. And alhamdulillah, suddenly I have new motivation and better things to do. So I recite istigfar, I won't let this month slip from my finger without getting forgiveness from Allah. Minutes by minutes pass by, but sleep still at the cloud. So I pulled my phone and tap for murottal. By murojaah juz 30 sleep comes instantly. By now I Qur'an is the best medicine for everything.
When morning came, there's azan peering from the windows. I can hear it vaguely. But I'm sure it's azan. A few minutes later, my phone continue the azan. And that make me freeze, I have Allah that'll never leave. It's me that always play hard to close to Him. Yet there'll always something that remind me of His love. Every single thing. Like azan, sometimes it's hard for people to hear it. But me? I almost never missed it a single time.
Yesterday, when Puji ask me about someone I like. I'm being me. The secretive one. I didn't se the point why I must tell someone about something that will change. Sooner or later.
And if he likes me, it's not my business. After all, the feeling is just a simple thing. And I won't let it affects me. Hopefully.
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