Lately, I've been drowning myself in books. Or novels, exactly. Most of them are romances, but they were discarded once I finished it. I only keep few of them, I usually reread them if the hopeless romantic soul of me is taking control. Which is uncounted times, sadly. But the truth is the most precious of my collection is called 5:48 and Falling Colors. I hold them deep in my heart. I adore the authors, more than JK. Rowling. Hoho.. not that I love her that much.
Almost all of them is about depression, or deep emotions. Not that easy going type. Because there always a reason behind every single action. Even the unimportant one. Which I believe, for every person is different and according to them, it's the right thing to do. Or ironically, the best thing they can do, even it's far from right.
I don't know but I always want to know what others people think, especially the hurt one. I simply think that they're different, and somehow beautiful. Their way of mind, often left me speechless. God, they're right. World is a cruel place. And it's okay to feel not okay about it. Not that the easy going type not beautiful no good. But sometimes, it just too mainstream.
The thoughtful thing only going stronger when I was practiced in Public Mental Hospital. What have the patients the have been through? In what condition they can snapped out from reality? Is that them? Or the reality just snatched out of their hand in a second? Is all of them being like that just because their foolishness? Diseases? Accidents? Weaknesses? Are all of us have it too, the moments of weakness?
My teacher once said, that people how easy get stressed are one or more low level than normal person. They can't get through that task. Even in a level that easy-peasy in most people's eye. Yeah, maybe he is right. But I can't help the idea if all of us has a different level of emotional question too. Plus, different situations have a big influences too. And what if somee people have a low EQ? Do they automatically labelled as a low level person? The unworthy one? Like few people said about psychiatric's patient, people that I think are suffer from sudden amnesia. They forget that the unworthy one is their family. For Allah's sake, they are chaining by blood, forever!
Maybe I'm standing in a border of craziness, hence I think the hurt people are beautiful. But I don't care. It's what I feel. After all, every one of us need appreciation. Even it is a psychiatric patient. After all, we are a human being. Just because they soul are damaged, it didn't mean they're free from emotions. From feel something. I think they need it more than us. A little show of care can affect them greatly. I experienced it first hand in asylum. A small greeting, warm smile, showing appreciation, and little believing can help them to recover. And the important one is time, and consistency. Finally, I can fully understand what the paint mean, help me with your sincerity.Because psychiatric patient, especially schizophrenia, need long time to take care of. And the sad thing is, they'll never fully recover. Instead there are a big chance for them to relapses. A little stunt will enough to drive them wild. It's a long long journey, and a tiring one too.
As I writing all of this, I'm thinking too. Did it mean I want to work, or participate in this field? Psychiatric nursing? Or just because I'm one of them? I don't know, yet. ne thing for sure, I want to help them. The hurt people. Physically, moreover mentally. Guide me Yaa Rabb, Aamiin.
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