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The end

I finished 'Avatar's Korra' series tonight. As usual, I feel a bit sad. Because once I finished it, it means I lost a great friends. But I'm happy to make it a new collection, mean I'll watch it again someday. Insya Allah.

Watching cartoons maybe still childish in some people. But I love it. I don't know when I will stop. They not just an entertainment for me, for they also bring some metaphors or messages that's seems impossible to apply in real life, but it's not. And that's beautiful. The fact that the character not even real make it more awesome. Because it's mean they won't be change and I won't disappointed to see how they're living their real world :-D

Believe it or not, during the season I feel like am reflecting. And learning. I open my eyes, my ear, and my heart from everything. I really want to get better. To go through the process called self-healing. Just stay calm, even in the darkness, you can find the light. Especially in the last series, when Korra struggling to get better. And her greatest enemy is herself. Her fear precisely. Your mind can be a great ally, but it also can be your worst enemy. She got depressed and started hallucinating. At first, she blamed everybody. Till the point she came to see her former enemy, and in that time they were working together to find way how Korra can face her current enemy. That's was the time she realized that's the pain must not be forget, but to accept. Accept that you feel it, and let it go. You can't change the past, but you have the future. It's exactly what dr. Mita means when she gave us presentation about self healing. I know how it works, but I really understand tonight. Guess I need some visual advise.

And I did it. I did it this noon before I watched the series. I've been feel really mad. Again. Because of someone thats always makes me sacrifice my own will. Or that what I thought. The truth is, yes maybe I never be a top priority. My problem is nothing compare to them. I'm not a mother and my family don't rely on me. Yes maybe what I feel about them not reciprocal the same way. And how about itsar? Is that only me that need to do that? Did we received the same materi at liqo?

As I asked myself this, I found the answer right away. Maybe this is what Allah's need me to learn. To practice itsar. To put yourself behind and let your sisters have something good before you. To ease other people way so they can do their things. And my, it was really hard. I feel like my heart just crushed. Why me? Why they can easily have their way but I need to have face the consequences, to let go something I really want. But I must let it go because I knew how it feels. How intense the pain when you must let go something in order others will get what they want. No, I can't let other people feel it. Not when I can do something to stop it. Even it means I lost something. The sad thing is, thay maybe will never remember it. But Allah never sleep. I don't need sorry or thank you. I learn what I need to learn, and it more than enough. How the Muhajirin can stand to help the Anshar everyday with everything is beyond my imagination. How did they do it? Yes, it easy to help people for the first time. But to do it again and again and again. How? Not to mention it's the same person everytime. Did they get tired? Did they feel bored? Did they got jealous? The answer is no. Quran is the guarantee. They were praised in some verses, called the best generation. The have no motives except to please Allah. The purpose of their life not the dunya anymore, but to store everything to akhirah. In that point, I'm lose. But I'm not hopeless. Not anymore.

This is one of hikmah I can see from everything happens lately. And I wish I can see more. Nothing is pointless.

I think it's one of the reasons why we don't have knowledge about our destiny. It has path, but we don't know anything about tomorrow. What will we do and where will we die. Because it means we still have an open ending. It's depend on us how we want it to be. By try and by pray.

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