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Hurt

Years by years I've been spent my life to protect myself from hurt. I do everything I can in order to not experience the same hurt I received years ago. Till the point I gave up in relationships and retreat myself from social gatherings, especially in my village. But lately, it's became generalized, not only my village, I've been shutting down almost everybody from my inner life. Yeah, I socialising with them, but I keep them outside, there nothing good came from letting them in, their will only hurt me.

But yesterday, I read some stories. And I've been thinking since. Well, we are vulnerable. In every aspect. Yeah, I can prevent myself getting hurt from one side, but what about the other?

I can get hurt, in everything I do. In everytime I spend. In everywhere I go. So, instead of try sterile, I must keep up my immune system. I've heard it before, but I just understand yesterday.

Stress is tricky. They can came from nothing, and sadly, can affect everything. They will always there. Different names, same street. As long as I live. Happy or not. It's me that need to change. I can't always running everytime I hurt. One day I will be tired to do that. Yet the pain, can still as fresh as yesterday. This need to stop.

I hate this. Because it's proved that I'm pathetic. I run from Lombok because I can stand the news. And few months from today, I don't want the history will repeat. I will go home with head hell high. No more running. I am not who I am four years ago. I'm stronger, and I hope I'm better.

It's a long journey. To find inner peace. Yeah, it's not only some movie for me. I need to find it, and I believe I can achieve it. It won't be easy, but I have Allah to rely on.

Let's start training!

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