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Lembar-Padang Bai

For the umpteenth times, I cross Selat Lombok. To travel with Janah, to get my transkrip, to give some presents, to say hi, and to mend my broken heart. Yeah, I admitted it. In one way or another, I was broken heart. I feel unworthy, feel betrayed. In that time, I tried to see it in a new light. Telling myself it was nothing. But no, the darkness is more powerful than my weak light.

Honestly, till 48 hour ago I still reluctant to go. Feeling it's not time yet. A new negative feeling made it way to my heart. Unwanted. Discarded. What's else?

But something happened. I finally realized that it was life. Never fair in our my. But people came and go. Nothing forever. The forever one is the change itself. Yeah, I can be the flavour of the month. But so do someone else.

I chose this way. I chose to go. And I can't force people to stay their way meanwhile I myself change. Yes there are the loss, the warm, the distance. But nothing I can do except nursing the loss till it bearable. No point to cry over a spilled milk.

And on the ship today, I can't help but compared my feeling last time I got on the ship. And

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