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You're beautiful.

Beautiful.

That's word immediately struck in my head when I see him. A ten or eleven years old boy that accompanies his father to E.R this morning. His father just have a mild heart attack, with no history of any illness before. He was alone. And when the doctor told him his father condition, he was cried. Not a cry that ending in hiccup, but cry when single tears sliding on your chin. And when he pray, I stunned.

He is a Christian. But when he intertwined his hands in front of his chest and closed his eyes, then silently pray, I found a new description about beautiful. Don't get me wrong, but someone who pray always looks beautiful in my eyes. It doesn't matter what religion they are. But when we pray, we lost our arrogance. Simply let it slide to The Greatest One. That we are nothing compared to His mercy. When all the efforts just fall in a thick wall, and nothing we can do to change it. When pray we are surrendering. To our weaknesses, to realization that our life are nothing exceps bunches of gifts from Allah.

It make me think, when my brain are free from cloud, why on earth I can't do this beautiful things everyday? I have five times chance everyday, yet most of the times I throw it away. Such a waste of gifts.

And here I am still questioning why I am not happy these past months. I have my answers though, but maybe I not ready yet to accept them. But again, how far an arrogance will take you? Not far absolutely, and most likely it will bring me into breakdown. A huge breakdown. And before I have my fair share of it, I must start over.

To surrender, to lost, to pray, and to feel beautiful.

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