Believe it or not, I'm sick. Again. After recovering from prolong common cold last week, fever beat me again since yesterday. I recall no breakfast on Sunday, lunch at 12.15 pm, and no proper supper. Went out from 6 am and coming home at 6 pm, just rest until 8 pm and went to meeting till 10 pm. I think it can do something with my immune system. And yeah, I'm willingly accepted that I'm sick, not forcing to do anything till I'm sure I can stand on my own feet, literally.
And here I am, on duty in Mandala. Somehow feel more hot here and there, but when I took measurement with thermometer, the result sas 36.0 degrees Celsius. Alhamdulillah.
One thing I noticed, the itchiness that often occur at night in certain place in my body, has gone. Maybe two or three weeks ago. 'Underlying stress that gotten in your nerves, and successfully invaded you subconscious mind', dr. Mitha said when I consult about it. 'You need to find it, and end it, whatever that problem are', she added. So I began to search, then finally admitted all of my problem. And fighting to release it, on by one. By now, we know that I'm not succeed, yet.
I always believe that everything happened to my body, because of everything inside. It was why I'm blindly believe in everything dr. Mitha's said. And from yesterday, I feel worse than the itchiness thing. The symptoms are more various and severe. Including stomachache at night till I need to clutched it, added pressure with some pillows, then curled myself like a ball. Tracking it now, I realized that I've been suffered from sleeping deprivation since two weeks ago. I can't go to sleep peacefully, so I will wake up with fatigue and some headache. Like there is something nagging in the back of my mind, like I anxious about something, but I can't put my finger on it, yet.
Meanwhile, I realized one of my problems. All the time I always avoiding join some organizations because I don't like people on it, or their programs, etc. I only consistent join BSMI because I feel comfortable, with the people and the program. And now, even it in an organization 'when good people gathering together', I still feel disappointed with them. Why not with BSMI? Maybe because I already accepted the fact that in BSMI we are came from different backgrounds, yet we can blended naturally. But this is different, we have proclaimed ourselves as a 'good and want to inspire people community' but inside, we still behave like commoners.
That's the hard thing to accept. Even good people are flawed. For Allah's sake they just a human, not an angel!
So instead of spacing myself, I need to learn to forgive, and accepted. There's no way in this world an organization will be perfect. Inside and outside. And I must live with it.
But since a label 'good people' already attached to their name, isn't wrong for me to wish they will behave more?
Comments
Post a Comment