By now I believe tears are come by pairs. Since your eyes are two, why need to save it? Tears are mean to be drops, not stifled. Yeah maybe there are times when a single tear drops in your cheek, but sooner or later, it definitely will come back, with many more.
Lately, I've been cried a lot. Whenever I feel I'm on edge of tears, I let it flow. I'm no longer being ashamed to cry. It's just feel right to do. More important, mostly I did it by myself. In front of my Lord. And the feeling is incredibly soothing. Yes I still feel weak or sad, but I feel reassured too. Because I put my trust in Allah. Who else can be more listening and understanding than Him?
Like this morning, when I gave small amount of money for the street singer. Then I saw his face and hear his lips mouthed 'Thank you', I immediately put my gaze to the ground because I knew my eyes were already glistening with tears. In that moment, I once again remember, when we helping people, we actually helping ourselves first. From the greedy feeling, and moreover, nurturing goods seed in our heart.
I don't want to remember either, but I can't help it. The other street singer I meet before. He is more prepared and dedicated than the one this morning. Maybe he is on his late thirties, or maybe forty years. I can't tell because he wears make up on his face, and wears some traditional clothes too, like some characters in wayang. I mean who still do it nowadays? Most men go to works in common place. But he still do that. Make up, costumes, swaying hips, and dangdut's music not for men. At least in my opinion. But who I am to jugde?
Maybe he do that out of love, not because he desperate enough to make some money. Maybe he wake up early in the morning, doing some rituals, and carefully prepare himself-the make up, costumes, microphones, the recorder tape, and hey maybe he practice singing everynight before-, and then go out with smile and hope, to makes people smile to. Who knows?
For some reason, my heart fell for these kind of people. They choose their way of life, okay maybe some of them didn't have any other choice, but hey they live it with bravery. They stick with their choice instead of prefer something easy like being beggars. It must be count to something great. I mean even they not in their best state according to other people, they seems happy and grateful. Some people said life begins at forty, when everything in a stable way, carrier at peaks, children are in school. But for some people, even at forty their still struggling for life. Some must be satisfied 'with only' being a low staff in a small office, or some maybe just got fired and try to do small business. What I want to say, they feel enough with everything they have. And sometimes it makes me envy. Because I want to achieve many things, yet I can't do it or won't do anything to get it. Like I never feel enough. Maybe because I'm still young, I think I have a long way.
But it's something I need to learn. To feel enough. To always grateful. To counting the problems I didn't have instead of counting few problems that can be done if have will to finish it.
Like Me Dijah said, "There's will be only two of us. Why need some fancy house and vast land? How much will we eat everyday?"
Yeah, Rasulullah always right. Like he said fourteen century ago, "Someone who have something to eat and somewhere to stay today, indeed he is in a great blessing."
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