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Anger

Don't be angry.. Don't be angry.. Don't be angry..

My understanding why this advise must be repeated three times fall down right know. When I just feel it by myself. How I my heart beat accelerated, my eyes menacing, my face will be red as tomato, my intonation increase few octaves. I feel the fury pump up into my vein. A second more and either it will eat me alive or I'll burst.

I have a final successive with my colleagues tonight about money in Mandala. I don't how it begin but suddenly we yelled each other. She yell maybe because it was the usual for her but I can't stand it anymore. I tried to knock some sense to her but she just doesn't want to listen. Instead she keep rambling about her chart was a right one. And I just can't help it, I tried harder and increased my voice. Hoping she would calm down and let me explain. In the end, it wasn't work and need the third person to separate us and explain the problem with manners.

I don't get it. Maybe some people really have a gift to provoke everyone to argue with them. Or maybe it was my mess up mind. Telling people are no better than me. Whatever the reason is, I fail tonight. Fail to keep my emotion in check and let the negativity from others affect me.

Not to mention this morning I succeeded. I have to give some health education in some Islamic school but due to lack of communication between me, BSMI, and the school. I arrived with wrong material and equipment. I was told the audience is 4 till 6 grade in elementary school and some of junior high school student and the school itself required material about wound management. But my real audience is student from grade 1 and two. I tried to explain and not feeling guilty. It wasn't entirely my fault. I keep my mood in check, even when the teachers look disappointed because I wasn't a doctor and never spare me a genuine smile.

What to do? I have arrive. I can't give other subject because I didn't have it it me. I don't want the kids just received the subject without some videos or practices. So, the show still go on. And I can say the kids enjoyed it. They are such a cuties. They listen to me, answer my question, and do the thing I ask them to. They only make a fuss in the end because not all of the have a chance to practice to be a doctor and a nurse. So what I need more? To heaven with the teacher.

But tonight, I'm failed. But at least, I'm learning. That anger wasn't something I'll fancy to feel. Yeah, there's a tiny pieces that proud because I can stand up my ground, but it was destructive. If I can, I'll avoid it. For the sake of Allah, for the sake of my mind.

I know I need to apologise. But not tonight. Both of us need the simmering emotions to go down. And hopeful tomorrow will bring peace, tp each of us.

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